FEAR

One of these days, possibly very soon, you will discover yourself standing on the edge of a cliff. Your whole life lies behind you. A life that you want to leave behind. Only, the future lies far below, so far that from where you stand you can't tell what it looks like. The only way to know for sure is by jumping off the edge and plunging into the unknown. But something holds you back. Fear. If you ask people what they fear they generally would say something generic like clowns. So what's my fear?

Over the years I have never been immensely afraid of anything to the severe. I mean yeah, spiders, heights, and dying did scare me but it wasn't too serious. I could always just smoosh a spider and its not likely to fall when you are at great heights. I was afraid of dying for a while but soon came to the conclusion that dying is going to happen to everyone eventually therefore, there is no reason to fear it; it is just a waste of time.

Over the last year I have found the thing that actually does scare me. Now, I know it is going to sound foolish or it is going to sound rash and its really hard to explain the reasoning of why but, I am afraid of dreams. No, I don't mean your dreams and goals in life. I mean the thing that happens to you while you sleep. But I'm not talking about a dream of you walking down the street and thats it. I'm talking about the feeling of waking up not knowing whether that was your real life or not. I'm talking about the fact that if you dream certain things, it means something. Or that time you had a nightmare and had to go sleep in your parents room. The fear of dreams is called Oneirophobia. Many people who have this to the severe often don't want to fall asleep but it is not that serious for me. Now one of the main reasons I fear this is because when I am dreaming, I can't control it. I can't control what is happening to me inside of my brain. Its like someone takes over for a while. Now this fear of mine is not to the point of where if I dream anything, I wake up terrified. I just shake it off most of the time depending on the type of dream. But when I start to think about it, like I am now, it genuinely scares me.

Dreams. (Tumblr)

 Now, I guess you can say that I am scared of sleeping and I guess that is slightly true. Even though I love it like every other teenager does, it scares me somewhat. Maybe its the vulnerability of it and how anything can be happening to you without you even knowing while being in a subconscious state. But it might be the things that I am capable of doing while sleeping. Like for instance the fact that I sleep walk. The fact that one time I woke up while I was running up the stairs. Or...funny story actually, A year ago on New Years I slept over at my friend Mckinna's house. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up back on the same couch so I assumed I stayed there the whole night. But to my surprise, in the morning, Mckinna's mom said that someone went into Aidan's (her brother's) room at about 7 a.m. She then went on explaining how that person came in, stared at him for a few minutes, then went into his bathroom, went to the bathroom, then left. While she was telling this story, I thought about how embarrassing for the person that would have been and I actually kid you not I thought to myself "thank god its not me!" Mocking then asked who it was and her, me, and our two other friends that were there turned around in wonderment. He then lifted his finger and pointed straight at me and said "It was her."
I know this may seem like a funny little story but it made me realize no one can know what they do in their sleep. I had no idea that I got up and walked around let alone went to the bathroom! So thats that. If you understand my fear, great. If you don't then... well... I don't know how else to explain it.

Thanks.